Bullet journals

It's been a while since I last posted, because I tend to write when things are getting very bad. So in a way, these past few months haven't been too bad overall, and that's thanks to bullet journalling which helps me notice negative trends before they become a major issue. In the past I've tried …

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When you stop caring

They tell me the sun was shining today. Was it? I didn't notice. Apparently I work hard. Does it even matter? Grab life by both hands. Ha, I'm barely holding on. But you've got it so good. Care to spend time in my shoes? You're different from how you used to be. If only you knew …

Taking back control in my life

Your desire to be in control is far-reaching, even if it is at my own expense. You don't care about me, I am just a number to you. I wonder: do you think you own my soul? That you can do as you please, without consequence? Or dictate what I can and cannot do? The …

316 days without self-harm

Today I hurt myself, accidentally. A bit of light gardening, and the blade slipped to reveal far more than I would have guessed. After recently feeling suicidal on a couple of occasions, I knew I was no longer in the healthy state of recovery which I had been striving to attain. However, for these feelings …

Relapsing after months of improvement

Night Sky   The day draws to a close As night begins to fall, Heralded by night time’s chorus. Shafts of moonlight pierce the dark, Only to be hidden by clouds Moving, so gently, in the cool breeze. Dark, quiet, and empty, Not a thing disturbs the silence. As you gaze at your surroundings, you …

Dwelling on the past

The Unsung Song   A beautiful, haunting note Echoes through the stillness, A lone voice in a deserted place. The sound travels across the water, Trees move to the melody, But no-one hears your song.   Fear and rejection stole your voice Before you knew it was there. As the dark hides the light, So …

Standing up to suicide

I feel your long fingers trying to take hold of me, trying to suffocate me. You bring despair and remove all hope, trying to convince me that there is nothing left for me in this life.  But you are lying. I have things to live for, I deserve to be here. I want to be …