Bullet journals

It's been a while since I last posted, because I tend to write when things are getting very bad. So in a way, these past few months haven't been too bad overall, and that's thanks to bullet journalling which helps me notice negative trends before they become a major issue. In the past I've tried …

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316 days without self-harm

Today I hurt myself, accidentally. A bit of light gardening, and the blade slipped to reveal far more than I would have guessed. After recently feeling suicidal on a couple of occasions, I knew I was no longer in the healthy state of recovery which I had been striving to attain. However, for these feelings …

Standing up to suicide

I feel your long fingers trying to take hold of me, trying to suffocate me. You bring despair and remove all hope, trying to convince me that there is nothing left for me in this life.  But you are lying. I have things to live for, I deserve to be here. I want to be …

If you’re struggling

Did you know that you are loved, and not a burden? That you are beautiful, and valuable? That you are not a mistake, but have a purpose? Did you know that you are not a failure, but have accomplished so much? That your opinion is important, and your voice needs to be heard? That you …

Today is not the end

Vultures circling overhead, watching me, waiting for the final moment. Weary through so much fighting, I lie there on the ground no longer caring. Anxiety has whittled me down to the core, exposing each and every weakness.  And yet, the remnants of the warrior spirit remain. A dying flame, evidence of what once was. Time …

230 days free of self-harm

Nearly 2 months have passed since I last wanted to go back to self-harming, or had suicidal thoughts. It's amazing how quickly time passes when it feels as though you're coasting through life, rather than struggling, and trying to find something positive in each day has made a significant difference to how I feel about …

When you cannot get to sleep

At 4am I find myself wide awake, already thinking about this past week and the day ahead. If only I had just gone back to sleep before my thought processes were in full flow. Perhaps it isn't such a bad thing. In this busy life I reflect less often than I should. Clearly, my brain …