"How are you doing?" Something that is asked all the time, but all too often is answered with half-truths. "I'm fine" is far easier than admitting vulnerability, hurt, depression, and loneliness. Honestly, I don't know how I'm doing. What would you like me to say? "Everything is good, thanks"? That's not true, not really. Do … Continue reading How are you doing, really?
What trouble was tormenting your soul? So many times I thought you were doing well, because you said you were. Is there anything I could have said, or done? Is there any way I could have changed the outcome of your struggles? An emptiness has filled me; disbelief that you are no longer with us. … Continue reading When a friend takes his life
Vultures circling overhead, watching me, waiting for the final moment. Weary through so much fighting, I lie there on the ground no longer caring. Anxiety has whittled me down to the core, exposing each and every weakness. And yet, the remnants of the warrior spirit remain. A dying flame, evidence of what once was. Time … Continue reading Today is not the end
Nearly 2 months have passed since I last wanted to go back to self-harming, or had suicidal thoughts. It's amazing how quickly time passes when it feels as though you're coasting through life, rather than struggling, and trying to find something positive in each day has made a significant difference to how I feel about … Continue reading 230 days free of self-harm
Why are our best efforts just not good enough for some people? They target the vulnerable, isolate the ones without power to make themselves feel better, and tear you down. A person in a position of power attempted to partly blame me for a mistake they had made, even when the computer system clearly showed … Continue reading Blame
At 4am I find myself wide awake, already thinking about this past week and the day ahead. If only I had just gone back to sleep before my thought processes were in full flow. Perhaps it isn't such a bad thing. In this busy life I reflect less often than I should. Clearly, my brain … Continue reading When you cannot get to sleep
This morning, the sky was a reflection of my soul following a troublesome week at work. It was misty, overcast, and miserable. Rain seemed likely, yet there was an element of unpredictability in the air; the norm for British weather. A job I once enjoyed had become challenging. I was weighed down, unable to see … Continue reading A smile makes all the difference