I still have your number, saved in my phone. If I text or call I’ll get no answer, and yet I don’t delete it. You’re on Facebook too, your account still active, but I know I won’t hear from you. A birthday reminder appears on social media, and I can just about ignore it.
But I cannot bring myself to unfriend you or delete your number, because that would feel like I’m completely removing you from my life.
I’m living in a dream world, far removed from a stark reality. I see a time where memories of you do not bring pain, and we enjoy time together. A world without the troubled look in your eye, hidden so well amidst the laughter and joy you bring to those around you.
What were your last thoughts? Did you feel life was no longer worth living? In those final moments, were you scared? Sad? Alone?