316 days without self-harm

Today I hurt myself, accidentally. A bit of light gardening, and the blade slipped to reveal far more than I would have guessed.

After recently feeling suicidal on a couple of occasions, I knew I was no longer in the healthy state of recovery which I had been striving to attain. However, for these feelings to last as long as they have, something really isn’t ok.

What concerned me most was not the reappearance of suicidal thoughts, nor the length of time that I had been struggling, but the way I felt at the sight of my own blood.

Although unintentional, the sight of blood made me feel the same way as though I had just cut myself. It’s so tempting, knowing how I could feel if I just give in for a moment. 

316 days without self-harm: the number is an amazing achievement, but it is only just enough to keep me going. 

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