Did you ever feel empty when you walked on this earth, as God among man? Did you reach that point of not understanding what is going on around you, and especially within you? Did you ever feel removed from reality, as though you are looking through a dirty window and can see the world outside, yet you are not part of it?
Like a transplanted limb I know I have been placed here, that I am needed, but I feel out of place and do not truly belong. I stare at the ceiling, questioning. I feel distant from you, from my friends, from everyday life.
The emptiness is sadly familiar, a numbness that fills me. Despite how I feel, I cannot cry; I have no tears left to shed. It has all been done before and it is the equivalent of retracing my steps time and again, each time reaching a dead-end. Help me break past the barrier so that I may move foreward in becoming whole, as you intended.
Being unwell and very tired can leave me more vulnerable, especially if I am on my own. Thankfully I don’t feel suicidal, but I know from experience that feeling empty can be a precursor and so I need to stay safe. I am determined to persevere rather than give in!