Memories

29/01/2017

Why does this trouble me still? I give a burden to you and no longer dwell on it, yet as soon as I hear or see certain triggers the traumatic memories return. How can I win this war when dormant thoughts arise, unbidden, and there was nothing I could have done to prevent this?

I plead with you, have mercy and give me rest. Show me how to respond when the flood threatens to overwhelm. Ignoring the pain would damage me further; facing it and feeling a full onslaught is excruciating. The struggle is incessant; I long for the day when this will no longer be. Must my life continue with this pain?

 

This is a continuation of Fragile, written last night. Writing normally releases my emotions, but there seems to be something deeper, hidden almost, that affects me deeply when awoken. If only I knew exactly what was happening! Then I would have an area on which to focus.

Although I do not feel suicidal at the moment, I do desire a life without the recent distress. Rest and peace seem elusive; they are just out of reach. Remembering the positive events in my life is more challenging at times like these. It is certainly the last thing I feel like doing, yet I know this will get me through the valley and onto the mountain, high above my circumstances.

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