Freedom

08/01/2017

My heart overflows with joy and gladness, for you have rescued me from the pit, from the miry clay in which I was trapped. Ensnared by shame and unable to forgive myself, I sank deeper and deeper into the mire, the fearsome walls growing above me and the way to safety beyond my reach. I sought a foothold but gained no purchase on those slick, forbidding walls.

The warning signs were clear from the outset, yet I clung to failure and made it a part of who I was. It should have gone to you. On the cross all sin was removed, our shameful ways forgiven, yet I held back for I could not forgive myself.

What great mercy you showed when I cried out in desperation. You saw me, you heard my cry, and you came. Lifted out of the trap, cleaned and restored, I give thanks for you have rescued me from the snare of depression.

Psalm 40:1-2; Colossians 2:14; Psalm 17:6.

 

I am amazed by how quickly I began to feel the heavy weight of anxiety, followed by depression. Christmas was quite a positive time for me, but within the space of a few days this changed very rapidly. For nearly two weeks I struggled with depressive feelings and wanting to self-harm, and almost gave in on a few occasions. My outlook was bleak, for I could see no way out. My goal of being free from self-harm felt so out of reach, because the onslaught seemed never-ending.

It was through a colleague that my passion for my hobbies was restored, just a small suggestion concerning my writing was all that was required. The encouragement came at just the right moment, and the heaviness dissipated almost instantly. I do not know why the darkness was lifted so quickly, especially when I have struggled for days on previous occasions, but this I do know: I have felt so light-hearted for most days since then.

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