Attempting to look a certain way, trying to make myself beautiful; I fool no-one, least of all myself. If I have been told I am not pretty, surely this must be true? But you made me in your image. If I am made beautiful by the Creator, why do I regard my appearance with such inadequacy? I am torturing myself with a double-edged sword. I wish to try new things, feeling that this will bring me confidence and love that I so desire, yet at the same time I fear failure and becoming a laughingstock.
Asking for help seems, at first, like a positive course of action. In reality, looking for guidance stifles my confidence further. Help with my appearance is appreciated, but it is not long before I am reminded that I was not capable of this transformation on my own. And yet, perhaps you are reminding me that my soul cannot be transformed through my own work. Instead, it is the work of the One who makes me truly beautiful.
Genesis 1:27, 31; 1 Peter 3:4.
I find it heartbreaking that so many men and women are dissatisfied with their appearance, after being told that we must conform to a certain ideal; we must fit the mould. I clearly remember the day when classmates were ranking each other by ‘prettiness’, and my name was written towards the bottom, under ‘not so pretty’. I remember being told to my face that I am not very pretty; that I will not have a boyfriend. A family member mentioned that I had put on weight when I was 14 (despite being very slim), but it came from a person with very high standards; I have been very self-conscious of my body ever since.
People tell me that I am beautiful, that God made me beautiful, and slowly I find myself beginning to believe them. It is so difficult, though, to undo lies that have influenced me for a long time. If there is a quick solution, I have not found it.