Over time, a pattern has begun to emerge concerning feeling suicidal. I find it often occurs when I am alone, or when I have no goal to work towards. Last week I felt led to make some goals in order to feel more positive about myself and life in general; this directly combats the feelings of worthlessness that have plagued me. This is my list of items that I am believing God for:
- Stronger relationships, especially my relationship with God
- Recovery from injury and return to peak fitness – already in progress!
- Progression at work and completion of my portfolio – already in progress!
- More emotional healing
- Progress with my fictional stories – already in progress!
- Increase in wisdom in order to make good decisions
- Platform for writing and publishing
- God using this blog to help people worldwide.
The fact that I have begun to see evidence of some my goals coming to pass, in under a week, is so encouraging and it spurs me on. I dared to dream, something I did not think I would be able to say again. It was a terrifying prospect, especially when I was used to negative thought patterns, but I have a renewed sense of purpose that for now is keeping the suicidal thoughts at bay.